When was the first time you realised you were getting old? Like really old.
I thought it would be when I got married or had kids but given that none of things have happened to me I guess I still feel like I could be in a John Hughes film looking like I was 30 but playing a teenager.
Even with most of my friends now up to their second marriages or multiple kids I still didn't feel old.
I got to leave it all behind, come home and curl up watching Dawson's Creek with no one interrupting me as I pretended I was still going to be like Joey when I "grew up". (Well maybe not marry Tom Cruise but Pacey would have done just fine thank you).
Yet today was when all of that changed and I came to the startling realisation that I was getting old...when I looked down at my belly, then around at my ass and finally at my boobs and to my shock (and pure wonderment) I realised that everything on my body was packing up and moving down south.
Now I am not talking about moving down south for the winter but permanently. Imagine that. Sure maybe it had a lot to do with pizza and not being old but I knew it was coming.
Push up bras, SPANX and Yentl style wrappings might have to be on the shopping list as an incentive to certain parts of my body not running away forever.
I also went out and cut my fringe like Rory from Gilmore Girls (Series 6). She looks young...yes, maybe because she is young, very young in fact but a girl has to start somewhere.
I would like to announce that I look nothing like Rory and my body parts are having a garage sale next weekend if you need anything.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Double dare, kiss and promise
Sometimes life changes so quickly we can't keep up with it all - most times it is unwelcome and honestly a frustration. Can't things just stay the same?
So when you self create massive change you wonder if maybe it was better to just sit in front of the TV each night like most people are so happy to do. I am a big fan of the TV don't get me wrong but it just doesn't seem to be enough.
So my dear reader I am about to embark on a challenge. This challenge is purely self-dared and never one to back down from a good dare I have readily stepped up (and may even get out of my pyjamas to do so!)
So here is the plan.
First, I am going to move out to the country. Alone and in the bush all of my horror movie fantasies will thrive with unprovoked relish.
Then I will write my second book. Said second book will be incredibly successful and I will be asked to write a few more.
With success of second book I will release my first book which is all true and is about love at first sight and the adventure that follows.
First, second, third and so on books with be made into movies where I get to work with people I respect and admire and will still get to produce.
This is where I will meet Adrien Brody and he will want to come and pash me in the country.
Then I may be a tad tired and will need to watch some TV.
So when you self create massive change you wonder if maybe it was better to just sit in front of the TV each night like most people are so happy to do. I am a big fan of the TV don't get me wrong but it just doesn't seem to be enough.
So my dear reader I am about to embark on a challenge. This challenge is purely self-dared and never one to back down from a good dare I have readily stepped up (and may even get out of my pyjamas to do so!)
So here is the plan.
First, I am going to move out to the country. Alone and in the bush all of my horror movie fantasies will thrive with unprovoked relish.
Then I will write my second book. Said second book will be incredibly successful and I will be asked to write a few more.
With success of second book I will release my first book which is all true and is about love at first sight and the adventure that follows.
First, second, third and so on books with be made into movies where I get to work with people I respect and admire and will still get to produce.
This is where I will meet Adrien Brody and he will want to come and pash me in the country.
Then I may be a tad tired and will need to watch some TV.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Hello again
I just realised my blog is like one of my old friends who I haven't seen for so long and have so much to catch up on that I don't bother to call. It is too exhausting after all to work out where to start and what is most relevant or in fact if anything is relevant at all.
Yet here I am attempting to reignite this relationship.
Usually a good start is a glass of red wine, so feel free to start there and a second trick is to divulge something private to create intimacy: years ago, I went to my boyfriend's wedding while we were still going out and watched him marry someone else. That should do the trick.
Now that we are besties again I welcome you with a hug, another glass of wine and the promise of many drunken moments, stories of woe and how to stay single without even trying.
Welcome back BFF.
I have many more private tales to share with you but for now I have a wine headache and need to roll over and go to sleep...hmmm...could officially be "Step One" of how to stay single without even trying.
I see a book coming on...
Yet here I am attempting to reignite this relationship.
Usually a good start is a glass of red wine, so feel free to start there and a second trick is to divulge something private to create intimacy: years ago, I went to my boyfriend's wedding while we were still going out and watched him marry someone else. That should do the trick.
Now that we are besties again I welcome you with a hug, another glass of wine and the promise of many drunken moments, stories of woe and how to stay single without even trying.
Welcome back BFF.
I have many more private tales to share with you but for now I have a wine headache and need to roll over and go to sleep...hmmm...could officially be "Step One" of how to stay single without even trying.
I see a book coming on...
Monday, June 13, 2011
Jet Plane
I guess I am not the only one wants to see the world. Clearly the ash from Chile is on an adventure of its own and who can blame it? There are some bloody great sights out there.
Hopefully this ash won't be stalking me on the weekend as I head over to my constant stomping ground, New York.
I feel like I haven't travelled in ages. There was a while there when I was in multiple countries in matter of weeks - most of them war zones. While catching the subway in NY can be like a war zone I am aware this trip is a little more tame than usual. I will take my trusty camera and film my doco on the UN, I will write some articles for magazines but really my main goal is to eat as much NY pizza as I possibly can without vomiting it all up and wasting pure gold.
Oh how my ass will grow with such love. It is already in counselling for how to react when everyone will have no choice but to say yes to the question: Does my bum look big in this?
Then on my way home I plan to make a pit stop to a place where many fear to tread. Well maybe I am exaggerating but this is where they set Children of the Corn. That's right I am heading back to Nebraska. Yes I did say back to.
Twenty years ago I spent a year in Nebraska and now I get to celebrate how old that makes me sound with all my fellow classmates. Did anyone say "High School Reunion?"
To be continued...
Hopefully this ash won't be stalking me on the weekend as I head over to my constant stomping ground, New York.
I feel like I haven't travelled in ages. There was a while there when I was in multiple countries in matter of weeks - most of them war zones. While catching the subway in NY can be like a war zone I am aware this trip is a little more tame than usual. I will take my trusty camera and film my doco on the UN, I will write some articles for magazines but really my main goal is to eat as much NY pizza as I possibly can without vomiting it all up and wasting pure gold.
Oh how my ass will grow with such love. It is already in counselling for how to react when everyone will have no choice but to say yes to the question: Does my bum look big in this?
Then on my way home I plan to make a pit stop to a place where many fear to tread. Well maybe I am exaggerating but this is where they set Children of the Corn. That's right I am heading back to Nebraska. Yes I did say back to.
Twenty years ago I spent a year in Nebraska and now I get to celebrate how old that makes me sound with all my fellow classmates. Did anyone say "High School Reunion?"
To be continued...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Peeping Paula
Do you ever look at your life and wonder if it is the one you are meant to be living? I do.
I can't help but feel like I am missing something - a bit like losing a matching sock and no matter how hard you look it is nowhere to be found. That one lone sock will forever be worn with one that doesn't quite match and yet it is still functional. Sometimes I feel like that is my life: a non-pair of socks.
I certainly have no regrets. I most definitely have made mistakes. I am proud of who I am and what I have and will achieve but...yes there is always a but.
A couple of years ago I think my life was supposed to turn out differently than it did. Sure you say, everything happens for a reason and I would nod along with you on any other occasion but on this one I beg to differ.
Like all good stories it involved a boy, love at first sight, a war and an ending that will one day be like The Bridges of Madison County.
I can't change the way things have gone and nor would I want to but what if this was not the way it supposed to go?
Now I would be married. I would have had a child, maybe two. I would be speaking another language. I would be right where I was meant to be.
Yet I am not. I am not unhappy. I do not feel hatred and again, I do not regret. Yet when I look at my life from the outside in I know that something isn't right.
I am missing my sock.
I can't help but feel like I am missing something - a bit like losing a matching sock and no matter how hard you look it is nowhere to be found. That one lone sock will forever be worn with one that doesn't quite match and yet it is still functional. Sometimes I feel like that is my life: a non-pair of socks.
I certainly have no regrets. I most definitely have made mistakes. I am proud of who I am and what I have and will achieve but...yes there is always a but.
A couple of years ago I think my life was supposed to turn out differently than it did. Sure you say, everything happens for a reason and I would nod along with you on any other occasion but on this one I beg to differ.
Like all good stories it involved a boy, love at first sight, a war and an ending that will one day be like The Bridges of Madison County.
I can't change the way things have gone and nor would I want to but what if this was not the way it supposed to go?
Now I would be married. I would have had a child, maybe two. I would be speaking another language. I would be right where I was meant to be.
Yet I am not. I am not unhappy. I do not feel hatred and again, I do not regret. Yet when I look at my life from the outside in I know that something isn't right.
I am missing my sock.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Boogeyman
Ever since I can remember I have loved getting scared.
As a teenager there was nothing better than slumber parties with the girls, with them shrieking in terror hidden inside their sleeping bags while I screamed at the TV telling the characters to stop being so stupid!
Freddy, Michael, Jason and Chucky were the men in my life and I couldn't get enough of them.
To get scared was such a thrill and so hard to come by that I would seek any way to feel it. Jumping out of planes, filming in war zones, picking up spiders and my idea of an ultimate good time is sitting all alone in a cinema with a horror movie playing.
So last night when I couldn't sleep, I tried to work out what my problem was. I began to realise that my lack of slumber was because I was... afraid. No there was no killers in the house or drip, drip, drip coming from the kitchen, this was far worse.
I was afraid of living.
The idea of traveling alone freaked me out, the idea of being successful make me feel sick and the idea of doing anything differently made me want to find some killers to help distract me from my own crap.
Normally I coveted being scared, I relished the feeling - yet here I was trying my best to make it go away.
I suddenly wanted to be one of the girls with their heads in their sleeping bags, willing all the decisions in my life to be simple and without change.
I put it down to getting old. Maybe the time had finally come where I was "settling" and this was my life. I watched other people live this kind of life every day, like they didn't have a choice about their destinies. Yes maybe this was my time to join the production line.
Then this thought scared the shit out of me more than seeing Michael Myers in the flesh (that may be a small lie as nothing is scarier than Michael Myers) and I realised that maybe I was just more practical in my old age. Rather than look for ways to freak myself out and dive into things I would slow down a little bit and think things through.
So instead of taking a day to think about whether I would go to my 20th year reunion in Nebraska I took two and rather than go walking by myself at night I now wear a miner's light to spot any nasties.
Yep, I may be getting old and therefore wise but I will hopefully always embrace getting scared and out of my comfort zone.
Oh and this weekend I am sleeping overnight at an old asylum.
Yep still got it!
As a teenager there was nothing better than slumber parties with the girls, with them shrieking in terror hidden inside their sleeping bags while I screamed at the TV telling the characters to stop being so stupid!
Freddy, Michael, Jason and Chucky were the men in my life and I couldn't get enough of them.
To get scared was such a thrill and so hard to come by that I would seek any way to feel it. Jumping out of planes, filming in war zones, picking up spiders and my idea of an ultimate good time is sitting all alone in a cinema with a horror movie playing.
So last night when I couldn't sleep, I tried to work out what my problem was. I began to realise that my lack of slumber was because I was... afraid. No there was no killers in the house or drip, drip, drip coming from the kitchen, this was far worse.
I was afraid of living.
The idea of traveling alone freaked me out, the idea of being successful make me feel sick and the idea of doing anything differently made me want to find some killers to help distract me from my own crap.
Normally I coveted being scared, I relished the feeling - yet here I was trying my best to make it go away.
I suddenly wanted to be one of the girls with their heads in their sleeping bags, willing all the decisions in my life to be simple and without change.
I put it down to getting old. Maybe the time had finally come where I was "settling" and this was my life. I watched other people live this kind of life every day, like they didn't have a choice about their destinies. Yes maybe this was my time to join the production line.
Then this thought scared the shit out of me more than seeing Michael Myers in the flesh (that may be a small lie as nothing is scarier than Michael Myers) and I realised that maybe I was just more practical in my old age. Rather than look for ways to freak myself out and dive into things I would slow down a little bit and think things through.
So instead of taking a day to think about whether I would go to my 20th year reunion in Nebraska I took two and rather than go walking by myself at night I now wear a miner's light to spot any nasties.
Yep, I may be getting old and therefore wise but I will hopefully always embrace getting scared and out of my comfort zone.
Oh and this weekend I am sleeping overnight at an old asylum.
Yep still got it!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Tolling Bells
So there I am at work on Friday night, working alone and watching customers come in and buy their items. It is hard to not think of what is happening on the other side of the world as two lives are coming together in spectacular fashion. I ponder my life and how simple it is in comparison. It is not that I want to be a princess but it is that I want more than what I have.
Do you ever wonder if there is meant to be more in your life than there is? Lately I have been thinking about that a lot and I think it is time to get things going, especially now that I am actually getting old. It is time to stop looking at other lives around me and coveting what they have achieved and start getting some things organised.
I will make a horror movie, I will write not one book but many, I will work with Drew Barrymore, I will pash Adrien Brody...actually speaking of pashing let me share a story from today:
At work (again) and in walks this very attractive man. As he walks past me at the counter we check each other out. I silently am grateful that I look semi-decent and actually brushed my hair that morning. Hell, I even put on a bit of Britney Spears perfume. So as he checked me out and I returned the favour, I actually felt like I deserved it.
I was chuffed when he went straight for the documentary section (given I make them myself folks) and knew we had a lot in common already. I was sequentially chuffed when he came to the counter and asked me a question. Then as usually happens at work some tosser comes to the counter and needs information on the latest Andre Rieu immediately. Hence my hot stuff cutie leaves. Time passes and then lo and behold hot stuff is back! He goes back to doco land and comes back to the counter with a purchase. It is The Bush Tucker Man and he tells me how you can take a man out of the bush but can't take the bush out of the man. My manager suddenly look over at the two of us as we talk about the country and how he comes from where my Dad grew up...blah blah blah. I feel like I am speed dating but have only the length of the transaction to get to know this guy. Two minutes later he is gone and my manager is gushing that he "liked" me! There was definitely something I will grant her that.
Yet he doesn't return and that is a tad disappointing and I am not really sure how I went from pashing Adrien Brody to speed dating The Bush Tucker Man but no matter...a girl has to have options.
Kate eat your heart out.
Do you ever wonder if there is meant to be more in your life than there is? Lately I have been thinking about that a lot and I think it is time to get things going, especially now that I am actually getting old. It is time to stop looking at other lives around me and coveting what they have achieved and start getting some things organised.
I will make a horror movie, I will write not one book but many, I will work with Drew Barrymore, I will pash Adrien Brody...actually speaking of pashing let me share a story from today:
At work (again) and in walks this very attractive man. As he walks past me at the counter we check each other out. I silently am grateful that I look semi-decent and actually brushed my hair that morning. Hell, I even put on a bit of Britney Spears perfume. So as he checked me out and I returned the favour, I actually felt like I deserved it.
I was chuffed when he went straight for the documentary section (given I make them myself folks) and knew we had a lot in common already. I was sequentially chuffed when he came to the counter and asked me a question. Then as usually happens at work some tosser comes to the counter and needs information on the latest Andre Rieu immediately. Hence my hot stuff cutie leaves. Time passes and then lo and behold hot stuff is back! He goes back to doco land and comes back to the counter with a purchase. It is The Bush Tucker Man and he tells me how you can take a man out of the bush but can't take the bush out of the man. My manager suddenly look over at the two of us as we talk about the country and how he comes from where my Dad grew up...blah blah blah. I feel like I am speed dating but have only the length of the transaction to get to know this guy. Two minutes later he is gone and my manager is gushing that he "liked" me! There was definitely something I will grant her that.
Yet he doesn't return and that is a tad disappointing and I am not really sure how I went from pashing Adrien Brody to speed dating The Bush Tucker Man but no matter...a girl has to have options.
Kate eat your heart out.
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