Get thee to a Nunnery

So went and had my bimonthly therapy session yesterday. Therapy = Tarot Card reading.
Cheaper and more fun than real therapy and I get to hear about my future. Therapy = Awesome.
Session started with palm reading and although my hands are very small they are apparently a palm readers nightmare. Given I am both a Water and Fire hand, it makes for lots of internal dramas and conflicts. Now this I already knew.
Wonder if I chop my hand off if everything will right itself in my life? At least I now have something to blame my erratic behaviour on. "Talk to the hand" takes on a whole new meaning now.
Got to tarot reading and as much as we tried we couldn't find a man in my path. Suddenly had visions of me and lots of cats. The good news is that career is about to sky rocket and apparently I will be surrounded my millions of dollars soon and be winning awards. I asked if Adrien Brody was presenting any of those awards, so would have an excuse to pash him, but just got blank stare. I don't think there is a tarot card that represents Adrien Brody.
The only way success will be forthcoming is by not engaging in any romantic activities for at least a year! Then out of the blue will come my Prince (Adrien Brody) and all will be right with the world. Although figure if I have millions of dollars quite a few Princes will appear out of the blue, but having said that could pay Adrien Brody to be my boyfriend with millions. That wouldn't be weird would it? If it is then "talk to the hand".
Now just have to find a chastity belt for next twelve months. Figure eBay is best bet.

Doing Nothing

Don't you hate it when you aren't in control? When you feel like you have lost all the power in a situation and you have no way of gaining it back?

Clearly that is how I am feeling because I am talking about it today (and we all know how selfish I am when it comes to blog topics!)

So here's the deal. I like to be in control of everything. I like making a plan and then making it happen. I don't talk: I do. Now, this is all very well and good when it comes to most things but in relationships another person is involved and so my plan isn't always their plan. It makes for fun viewing if you happen to be that fly that lives on the wall that we all wish we could be.

So what I have to realise is that when things aren't going to my plan, wish list, vision board, photo wall, shrine or billboard that there is no need to panic. Maybe this is actually the plan. For me to take a step back and let things happen of their own accord. That's right folks suddenly the super obsessive, anal retentive, control freak (me) has to sit there and do NOTHING! (I am having a minor breakdown as I write this because doing nothing wasn't actually in my vocabulary before this blog.)

Decided doing nothing looks a little like this: buy as many canned goods as possible as if I am "going to the mattresses," buy all seasons of Gilmore Girls for distraction and get subscription to wine delivery so don't have to leave house. Doing nothing actually sounds like fun.

Feel great now that Universe is in "charge" of next stage of life and the adventures of Paula. Now Universe can I just make some small requests? If I can just pick the genre of my next adventure that would be lovely. My fav's are horror's, thrillers, disaster flicks, anything with killer sharks in it, horses would also be good, romantic comedies are just silly, Adrien Brody can make an appearance, can it be set in the time of Jack the Ripper so I can find out who he was...

Sorry? 

What's that? 

I am being controlling? 

Now listen here Universe if this is going to work out you are going to have to listen to me. 

Where are you going? 

Don't walk out on me!

New Day

Just sitting here wondering what the day will bring. Maybe today will be the day where something new and exciting happens. Maybe today will be my 'one second rule'.
Maybe today will be like that for someone else. If you could have one thing happen today that you really wanted, what would it be? Could today be the day?
I sound like I am on Oprah, it is true, but for good reason - plan is to be on Oprah before she retires. Not sure how that is going to eventuate but it is on my vision board and therefore must come true. Be great if I was also on the show with Adrien Brody and he wanted to re-enact kiss with Halle Berry at Academy Awards. I would most happily oblige all in the name of being a good guest on Oprah. (Maybe Adrien will fall madly in love with me after kiss and become my Prince...better check his star sign to make sure we are compatible before accepting proposal.)
Now, not quite sure if all of this will happen today but figure I can always put Adrien Brody film on and kiss TV and get a life size cardboard cut out of Oprah and she can join me on the couch and tell me I am having a 'lightbulb moment'.
Looks like dreams do come true!
Hope it is a one second kind of day for you all too...

Back to the Drawing Board

Okay so after a few days of being 'live' and available on the worldwide web I have to say it is not for me. Now don't get me wrong, after I actually got my questionnaire right and my matches were actually matches, it seemed all systems go.
Lots of matches, lots of lovely men, the 'getting to know you' process was simple and not overwhelming and yet there was just something missing...
I think the real problem is me. I am not ready for a Prince just yet. It was nice to put it out there but if I am going to go on dates with men who want to get married and have kids then I should be serious about that. Suddenly feel very grown up.
Reality is that heart is still healing and not ready for anything new right now. Yes we had a 'heart to mouth' conversation last night and the verdict was in: a new scenario is to be created.
Heart, mouth and I brainstormed all night and came up with the best way to meet Prince and give heart time to heal.
Getting carpenters in today to build top level balcony, plan to grow hair very long (or get extensions or maybe even rope). Will sing "One Day my Prince will come" all day long while knitting (back up for hair plan if extensions or rope don't work) and wait for my Prince to rescue me from self-created hell.
I am so clever. This is a much better idea than internet dating.
As well as knitting may write Dating Advice book for woman. Genius.

Doing the Timewarp

Okay, so looking for Prince is not as easy I thought.
Went to work and rather than saying, "Have a nice day!" I said, "So are you single?" Didn't seem to go too well and boss gave me a talking to.
Back to drawing board or more like back to something I have been putting off since its inception...internet dating.
Never been a big fan. Never really understood it ( and still don't!) Yet for millions of people around the world it is the only way they date.
So have decided to get with the times and jump online.
First decision: which dating site to go with. Too many for my liking and almost talked myself out of it at this point.
Finally decided on site that seemed to be tailored to finding your compatible match rather than any Tom, Dick or Harry being able to get in touch with you. (Although truth be told if Tom, Dick or Harry are cute and ride black stallion then please call me.)
Took me over an hour to fill out my questionnaire about myself. Felt like I was back at school and I wondered if I could fail my own questionnaire? Lucky they had sample answers and they seemed pretty good, so went with those - not sure if that would classify as cheating but this is very serious business and don't want to make any mistakes.
Second decision: choosing photos. Oh dear, this is quite stressful. Finding Prince relies on good photo. Found great one of me ten years ago looking young and fabulous. Perfect!
Signed up and opened bottle of red wine and waited for Princes to arrive into my inbox. How fabulous that I don't even have to get out of my pyjamas to date. Suddenly get appeal of dating over internet!
Matches started arriving in quick succession (I am like sooooo popular!)
Start looking at profiles and think there must be a mistake. All matches are over 50, have three children or more, smoke and drink many times a day.
Oh dear. Wonder where I went wrong, then realise cheating on questionnaire has consequences.
Damn!
Have to redo questionnaire, but am pleased that have now drunk whole bottle of wine, so surely answers will be much better this time!

The Quest Begins

Okay so search for Prince begins. Not sure what I am looking for or how Prince will suddenly appear but if I am going to be honest I would say riding up on a big black stallion would be enough for me to accept marriage instantly.
Think of all possible ways to meet new Prince and start by looking up all horse riding schools and seeing if any single guys are riding black horses. It was a big fail but was told I could bring something to pin up on notice board. Not quite sure if they understood my request, as can't imagine me posting note that has "Single Girl seeks Single Guy. Must ride black stallion and be a Prince of some kind." Then Prince's can rip off my phone number and give me a call. Maybe I should be age specific on notice, as imagine there are many boys or teenagers who think they are Prince's and own black horse (although being a cougar sounds fun).
Thought of asking friends to set me up but realise they haven't done that in all of my single years, so maybe I am not "setting up" material (wonder if big butt has anything to do with this? Must work on first impression skills with big butt today).
Might trawl the bars this weekend, although the thought of that makes me sick and honestly who could be bothered. Real problem will be me making fool of myself as I drink too much red wine, spilling most of it on cleavage revealing top and big butt will want to make a special appearance and do a dance and for some reason big butt only likes dancing on tables. Never know though, maybe there are some Prince's who may like that kind of confidence.
Thinking next step is at work put on name badge "Hi my name is Paula, I am single, like pizza and marathons and am available to nice single Prince."
Not too desperate at all.

Cool Runnings

Yesterday was the infamous marathon and I must say that I felt very sad about not being there. It came as a surprise that I actually wanted to do the marathon and even big butt was feeling blue.

I realise that I didn't have to be so melodramatic about not being able to do the marathon and break up with you but don't we always break up with someone at all the wrong moments?

Now I wasn't clear on why I couldn't do the marathon - I blame it on the break up - and it is not very exciting at all...you see I got a new job and I was rostered on to work and couldn't get out of it. Should have probably created a much better reason for you all huh? Guess I am out of juice.

So here I am saying that I am officially back. I will continue to train (torturing big butt more to the point) and will continue to rant on about my life.

The next plan is to get my book published, so now that we are back together if you could help me with this process that would be great.

I also plan to find a new Prince. That should keep us all amused for many blogs to come.

Time to get action plan into place.

First step...

Get out of pyjamas. (Why I am not sure, just seems like a good start!)