Thursday, May 19, 2011

The Boogeyman

Ever since I can remember I have loved getting scared.
As a teenager there was nothing better than slumber parties with the girls, with them shrieking in terror hidden inside their sleeping bags while I screamed at the TV telling the characters to stop being so stupid!
Freddy, Michael, Jason and Chucky were the men in my life and I couldn't get enough of them.
To get scared was such a thrill and so hard to come by that I would seek any way to feel it. Jumping out of planes, filming in war zones, picking up spiders and my idea of an ultimate good time is sitting all alone in a cinema with a horror movie playing.
So last night when I couldn't sleep, I tried to work out what my problem was. I began to realise that my lack of slumber was because I was... afraid. No there was no killers in the house or drip, drip, drip coming from the kitchen, this was far worse.
I was afraid of living.
The idea of traveling alone freaked me out, the idea of being successful make me feel sick and the idea of doing anything differently made me want to find some killers to help distract me from my own crap.
Normally I coveted being scared, I relished the feeling - yet here I was trying my best to make it go away.
I suddenly wanted to be one of the girls with their heads in their sleeping bags, willing all the decisions in my life to be simple and without change.
I put it down to getting old. Maybe the time had finally come where I was "settling" and this was my life. I watched other people live this kind of life every day, like they didn't have a choice about their destinies. Yes maybe this was my time to join the production line.
Then this thought scared the shit out of me more than seeing Michael Myers in the flesh (that may be a small lie as nothing is scarier than Michael Myers) and I realised that maybe I was just more practical in my old age. Rather than look for ways to freak myself out and dive into things I would slow down a little bit and think things through.
So instead of taking a day to think about whether I would go to my 20th year reunion in Nebraska I took two and rather than go walking by myself at night I now wear a miner's light to spot any nasties.
Yep, I may be getting old and therefore wise but I will hopefully always embrace getting scared and out of my comfort zone.
Oh and this weekend I am sleeping overnight at an old asylum.
Yep still got it!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Tolling Bells

So there I am at work on Friday night, working alone and watching customers come in and buy their items. It is hard to not think of what is happening on the other side of the world as two lives are coming together in spectacular fashion. I ponder my life and how simple it is in comparison. It is not that I want to be a princess but it is that I want more than what I have.
Do you ever wonder if there is meant to be more in your life than there is? Lately I have been thinking about that a lot and I think it is time to get things going, especially now that I am actually getting old. It is time to stop looking at other lives around me and coveting what they have achieved and start getting some things organised.
I will make a horror movie, I will write not one book but many, I will work with Drew Barrymore, I will pash Adrien Brody...actually speaking of pashing let me share a story from today:
At work (again) and in walks this very attractive man. As he walks past me at the counter we check each other out. I silently am grateful that I look semi-decent and actually brushed my hair that morning. Hell, I even put on a bit of Britney Spears perfume. So as he checked me out and I returned the favour, I actually felt like I deserved it.
I was chuffed when he went straight for the documentary section (given I make them myself folks) and knew we had a lot in common already. I was sequentially chuffed when he came to the counter and asked me a question. Then as usually happens at work some tosser comes to the counter and needs information on the latest Andre Rieu immediately. Hence my hot stuff cutie leaves. Time passes and then lo and behold  hot stuff is back! He goes back to doco land and comes back to the counter with a purchase. It is The Bush Tucker Man and he tells me how you can take a man out of the bush but can't take the bush out of the man. My manager suddenly look over at the two of us as we talk about the country and how he comes from where my Dad grew up...blah blah blah. I feel like I am speed dating but have only the length of the transaction to get to know this guy. Two minutes later he is gone and my manager is gushing that he "liked" me! There was definitely something I will grant her that.
Yet he doesn't return and that is a tad disappointing and I am not really sure how I went from pashing Adrien Brody to speed dating The Bush Tucker Man but no matter...a girl has to have options.
Kate eat your heart out.