Monday, June 21, 2010

Burglar Blues

There's only one thing worse than coming home and finding your door wide open and that is coming home and it wasn't in the spot you left it in. Lucky for me it was the former I came home to.
Really annoying knowing you have been robbed. Really, really, really annoying being robbed three times in last three years. If only I was this popular in dating world and I would have a Prince in no time! Might get some camera surveillance for my house just in case I am missing some hotties who have been coming to visit.
So there I am at wide open door and I have been clearly broken into. Walk into first room and everything in tact. Walk into second room and again everything in tact and nothing taken. I am not only confused but very nervous as I wonder why someone has broken in but so far hasn't taken anything. I am too afraid to go to next level of house as figure my "visitors" must be staying for a cup of tea.
Had to get neighbours to help me look and was very happy when no killers jumped out of my washing machine.
Alarm sensor must have deterred them. That or my photo from high school near the front door. My hair was very scary.
Best part of night was when police arrived. Three of them. All young, all gorgeous. Seemed too good to be true. As they took photos and fingers prints I began to wonder if maybe they were strippers and my friends were playing a trick on me. Put song YMCA on the stereo and waited for the show to begin. Was disappointed when no clothes came off. Even pulled a few singles out for encouragement. Instead got a police report and warning for trying to bribe an officer.
Was worth a shot.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Crusty Bits

Having this 6 to 12 disease is exhausting. Trying to fit everything in before the disease takes hold is just becoming too difficult.
Kind of defeats purpose of having stupid disease in first place if I don't have time to spend "rest" of life with Prince. Right now if Prince came riding up and awoke me from slumber of stress and sleep in my eyes I would have to roll over and say I have a headache.
Must rethink what is priority and create more space in brain for the important things.
Definite priority is watching latest Predators film when comes out. Almost had multiples in cinema chair when I saw the preview. Firstly...hello...Predator film...brilliant! Secondly, premise is hunting humans for sport and thirdly, guess who is starring in film? Yes that's right! My pashing partner in crime Adrien Brody. Feel sorry for whoever comes with me to film as I will be panting and hyperventilating and re-enacting Meg Ryan's scene from When Harry Met Sally.
It must be clear now why life is so stressful with thoughts like these running through

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Scrambled Eggs

The decision to attend a party is always going to go one of two ways. The first is a night of tedium and rolling eyes (mine) with people that are dull and mind numbing and as soon as 10pm hits it is officially time to exit stage left and still be polite.
Then there are the parties that are unexpected surprises. The other kind of party. Usually the one that you have to drag yourself to in the first place because your pyjamas are calling.
This weekend held one of those such parties.
I arrived late, only because the drive was like going on a road trip and as such stops at fast food places are a must. Plus, I got lost a few times and considered turning back around and having a hot date with my pyjamas who love me unconditionally.
Was strong and finally made it to party. Arrived at time of speeches, but was a good thing as no one knew I was late, and low and behold the bar was right were I had to come in. With red wine in hand felt suddenly fabulous. Plus noticed that incredibly good looking man was also by my side and keeps glancing across at me (thank god I am a woman and my peripheral vision is brilliant). Pyjamas are suddenly forgotten.
With speeches over it was time to make way to awaiting friends and let the night begin. Turns out cute boy at bar was in fact gay (yes I asked) but is interested in having a baby, so would I perhaps like to be the surrogate? Can't seem to remember what I agreed to, so may be preggers soon. Did ask him what he was looking at at the bar when I came in if he was gay and apparently I have fabulous breasts and that yes gay men like breasts. Non gay man is standing nearby and agrees with breast statement and I realise that suddenly it is okay for all eyes to be on my breasts. Non gay man tells me he is dating and woman expert, so I ask him where his girlfriend is. None exists. I should be grateful as means I can now "have him" but I actually would rather "have" gay man at this point.
About to head home when I start talking to lovely young man and all I can do is think about him kissing me.
Yet all I do is leave.
Good news is didn't make an ass of myself and am without child. Thumbs up for me!