Lardass

So here we are at another year of new beginnings and only one resolution that makes any sense.
After watching a Beyonce concert I have decided her ass is incredible. So my only resolution this year is to have an ass the same size as Beyonce's. That way eating more pizza than last year doesn't even have to come onto my list of resolutions but will instead be a necessity in upkeep of said 2011 ass.
I am excited at my intelligence so early in the year.
After spending both Birthday and New Years by myself - intentional - I am resolved in knowledge that maybe life with Prince is not for me and quite happy to be alone* - as becoming professional at it. Should look into careers as professional hermit and how by doing so will get me my own show on Oprah's new TV network.
Suddenly carefree single life with massive ass is filled with many possibilities (alright maybe my ass will be slightly bigger than Beyonce's but I have to have some originality).
First stop is underwear department to get granny panties and then screen printers to get 'wideload' put on backside.

* Note for Adrien Brody: This does not include you.