Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Searching for Hope

I noticed an old lady in a wheelchair come into work the other day. As her carer pushed her around the store I couldn't help but watch her. She wasn't interested in the product or what was around her. Shopping was just something to do to fill the time. As she left I got to thinking.
At her age does she still have any hope? Is there something she still dreams of or desires? Is it ever to late? Or does she just wait for her days to be over now that she knows that day is close?
I thought about myself and how at my age I have already given up hope when I thought that hope would never fade. Life can scar you. So much so that when you put up a force field to protect yourself you forget to bring it down.
I am not old and I do not have death sitting nearby breathing in my ear. Yet I realised looking at that old lady that I may as well have been her.
When I watch a movie where the girl gets the guy I no longer think that will be me. When I see the guy chase after the girl I am happy for them but I do not think that will ever be me being chased.
I now watch life from afar where other people get to have a life with someone and I smile in the corner no longer even thinking that will be me.
I watched The Bridges of Madison County again the other day and I wondered what was better, to have loved and lost or to have never have loved at all? Or worse still to settle or stay because change is too hard. I still don't know the answer.
There was one line that stuck with me when Clint Eastwood's character said, "This kind of certainty comes but once in a lifetime."
I have had that certainty but what's interesting is when you have had that certainty it is still not enough. We still let it go.
And with it the hope that you thought was on endless supply.

1 comment:

  1. I believe that hope is something that comes to those who need it most at a particular moment in their lives...
    Perhaps the old lady had no hope... but does she really need it, when in its place she has a lifetime of memories and stories to reflect on? Surely that in itself brings her joy. At least I like to think so. When I visit my Nan in the nursing home, I often find her sitting on the bed staring into space. One might think it sad, but then when I ask her what she's been up to, she says 'remembering everything I've done in my life.' and she smiles.

    If there is one thing I hope, whether or not I find (and keep) the rom-com/drama kind of love you see in the movies, I hope that I can smile back and remember when I am old too.

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