Speed Dating for Dummies

A friend recently enquired if she should go speed dating, to which I replied why don't I tell you about my speed dating experience and then you can make up your own mind.
So here is a little story of how Paula went a speed dating one day (night).
Probably my first mistake of the night had not to do with drinking too much champagne (although I would get there eventually) but rather with my choice in speed dating friend. You see she was more like a Greek Goddess than a real life girl and so what hope did I have walking in the room with that? Well none really. I was just grateful someone wanted to come with me.
The bar we went into was small and dark (awesome, although I was hoping my newly formed blind pimple wouldn't glow in the dark).
Nearly everyone had arrived and we all mingled at the bar holding our free glass of champagne like it was a life buoy and we were in the middle of the ocean. No one was saying anything. It was awkward. I looked around and tried to see if my future husband was in the room and there were some potentials. I wondered why no one was talking, so I asked the girl next to me - who looked like she had stage makeup on and was about to sing "Sweet Transvestite" from Rocky Horror.
"Why isn't anyone talking?" I tried not to stare at her face and looked at her heaving cleavage instead (better).
"It's because everyone is saving their best conversation for when their date starts."
"But we only have seven minutes. Surely there is plenty of good conversation to be had?"
"You would be surprised."
Hmmm. I was uncomfortable by the silence and everyone was looking at me now because I had started a conversation.
So in my best public speaking voice I said, "As if we can't start talking now! Seven minutes is not enough time people. Let's get to know each other now!"
I was officially in a zoo and everyone slowly backed away (including my friend) because no one wanted to be with the talking girl.
I nodded to myself, then my champagne so I didn't look stupid (good move) and said under my breath "sorry" as I backed away too so I was now part of the circle that moments before I was in the middle of.
Never fear because suddenly there was a very loud gong and the speed dating had begun.
Us chicks got to pick a table and the guys had to move around. For this I was grateful as I planned to drink as much champagne that the bar had and sitting down would allow for graceful drunkenness.
A gentleman sat in front of me, there was another loud gong and we were off like greyhounds in the wind.
Let me just say that seven minutes can be a very long time in the scheme of your life when you are stuck in the cone of speed dating.
I suddenly learnt that even I, the girl who talks too much, too often, too loudly and without consent was at a loss for words.
It was like pulling teeth but without the string attached to the door. There was nothing quick about it. I can't even remember the conversations. All I thought was...don't these people do things or if not can't they just make it up?
There was one guy though. He was cute. He was in publicity and loved films. He liked pizza (well every guy loves pizza so that doesn't really count) he liked to travel and...well really he could have said anything. He was the best out of a bad bunch.
He told me he wanted to see me again and when we filled out our forms (which you do at the table with the guy right there...talk about covering your test sheet) we both openly ticked "yes" we would like to see each other again and the dating agency would pass over our details.
I left the night feeling fabulous and not caring that I was not a Greek Goddess.
My friend called the next day to ask how many matches I got and I said I hadn't got a call yet. My friend had gotten eight matches. Wow! My dream boy included.
I rang the agency and asked for my results. "What is your name?" "Paula." "Paula did you fill out a form with the guy's names on in?" "Umm...hello I didn't go through that pain for nothin'!" "Okay well Paula we don't have a sheet for you. Did you write your name at the top because if you didn't we would have thrown it away."
"OF COURSE I PUT MY...hang on...actually I didn't put my name on the top."
Oh crap.
Speed Dating = Write Name On Top Of Your Sheet.
Now you are all experts.